Crash ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Watched Crash from Paul Haggis. Felt thick to my stomach all throughout the movie. It’s one of those movies that moved me to the core through its depiction of xenophobia as a human mechanism to cope.

The soundtrack is haunting. It placed me in a state of such anxiety that I physically responded with tears and tremors. Actors are outstanding from the bad cop/good cop Matt Dillon to even the smallest characters.

I liked the fact that it does not try to be accurate as a realistic depiction of life but rather convey brilliantly a message through emotional illustrations. Yes we are all in our own ways subject to deep adverse reactions when confronted to people who do not ressemble us. Yet we embrace those racist feelings and actions not as gratuitous acts but rather as a means to keep balance and control in our own lives, possibly destroying those of others. There is no remedy to this, other than to acknowledge that this a profoundly human behavior and that we cannot position ourselves as all-knowing judges of the behavior of others.

No absolution

There is something deeply unsettling about the unfolding events in the United States over the past few weeks. It feels like we are accelerating down a troubling path that many had anticipated since Trump’s election, and even before during the presidential campaign. There is a palpable sense of terror in observing the world around us—seemingly unchanged, quiet, and resilient—while a deluge of media announcements cascades over us. What makes it even more appalling is the stable, undisrupted rhythm by which reckless, destructive decisions are being imposed on us, as if we are being forcefully carried on a conveyor belt to an inevitable catastrophe with no apparent escape.

I say “us” because I feel the horror of the situation not just for Americans, but for “us” citizens of the world. The notion that America’s decisions affect only America is a dangerous misconception. We share the same air, the same sun, the same planet, yet we fail to recognize that our choices impact society and our environment as a whole. There is no absolution for such behavior; it represents the epitome of a failed society. I strongly believe that a failure to correct course will set us on a trajectory of irredeemable consequences, one that will compel me to point my finger at you the U.S. electorate and hold you accountable for your choices. When dust settles, only this will stay.

Should I act? Certainly. Yet a part of me feels so terrified and helpless that I retreat to dark corners as a coping mechanism. When the power of direct action is too feeble, voice is the next best thing.

Accelerate ⭐️ ⭐️

Authors: Nicole Forsgren, Jez Humble, Gene Kim

![[Accelerate-cover.jpeg]]

The book tries to demonstrate by statistical analysis done with a broad spectrum of businesses how certain practices such as lean management, agility, product oriented decoupling and leadership can make the difference between low performers and high performers in IT.

Most of it seems common sense when you are already working as part of a big organisation, so in a way it’s quite reassuring that someone went to great lengths to try to prove it through statistics. That makes this a good book for managers, but a painful one to read for developers and technical team members. It does feel like a huge master powerpoint trying to convince decision makers rather than doers.

Most of the book content is in part 1 which introduces the statistical model and its results. I skipped entirely part 2 which supposedly gives the statistical methodology used for obtaining meaningful results. I will just suppose they did their work correctly otherwise the book wouldn’t be so widely adopted in the IT industry. Part 3 is probably the best part of the book, and illustrates how the right combination of organizational and technical practices can effectively give birth to a completely different way to build and maintain IT services.

The good

For once, it is refreshing to read a preface (Martin Fowler) by someone who does not just praise the book for its quality but points out its limits and warns the reader to make its own opinion.

The less good

Structure of the book is messy, it’s hard to understand where we are when reading the book. Subsection titles are centered and anywhere on the page with no numbers referencing the parent section… And worse even, part three is labeled part two in the bottom of each page.

The book feels like a conglomerate of big buzz words like « generative culture », « mentoring », « transformational leaders », « diversity » which gives me high bullshit alerts. It all makes sense when you’re already convinced of it, but there is no room to go into details on how those notions actually influence teams with facts, examples, etc. But that would make a much bigger book to read, and one I would definitely NOT read.

Holiday morning routine

It’s 11am. I’m on my knees. Another morning routine accomplished. Those are hard on the knees but at the same time so rewarding. During this holiday period, this goes typicaly like this:

• 6.30am: things start moving. Usually it’s the youngest that I hear first. Some high-pitched tone to signal that he is well awake and doing his best to either grab my wife’s handphone while she is doing yoga, or loudly requesting to be hugged while he is waking up.
• 7.15am: trying to move out of bed. The alarm goes off and I usually discover the oldest bundled at my feet or lying in the sofa, asking for a bottle of milk.
• 7.30am: acceleration. It’s toilet time. One hurries up to go to the loo, while the other is running around with an extremely smelly diaper which necessitates urgent care.
• 7.40am: starting breakfast preparation. Apple, toasts, banana. I try to gulp something down before we go into full-strength operation.
• 7.55am: doing my best to force pants on little butts before they rush outside to say bye to their mom leaving for the office. Shoes are a nice to have, but the kids are usually already covered in dirt before I even get a chance to cross the threshold behind them.
• 8.15am: navigating on the road between a 4-wheeled bike rushing downslope between scooters and cars and a wiggling 1-year-old trying to climb on every stairs and portals he can find.
• 8.45am: usually by this time, the youngest is covered with dirt, soil stuck between the toes, wet cray on the corner of his mouth. The kids have either engaged into some improvised shower in the garden to fight the scorching heat or just plain muddy puddle jumping. The looks of the passers-by signal that it’s time to go home.
• 9am: I take off the shirt. It’s all sweaty and wet from the wild splashing. The youngest has escaped from the bath and peed on the floor. Trying to contain the damage.
• 9.10am: I remember that I forgot to take mummy’s milk out of the fridge. It’s all frozen but the drinker is insisting he wants it now. I lure him with a banana. The kids sit down at the table and get busy with breakfast.
• 9.15am: starting a 7-minute workout. If all goes well, I finish it in 7 minutes. Otherwise, I pause to cover toilet emergencies, spilled cups, or one of the impromptu existential crisis of the oldest.
• 9.25am: I sit down, yeah. Turn on the radio, eat proper breakfast. The 1-year-old has banana in his hair and laughing his butt off with his sister.
• 9.40am: time for cleanup. There’s no escaping the fact that I need to wash the kids again. Running again after bare-butt kids.
• 9.50am: the kids are busy. Some serious drawing going on. The youngest silently steals the pens and tries to bite the tip off. He’s covered with colored dots.
• 10am: time for fight. My daughter is pissed off because her brother has teared her drawing apart. She screams and kick. They both want to be hugged at the same time.
• 10.15am: my mother-in-law comes to the rescue. I try to do the beds, but I’ve got to do it with the additional weight of a jumping toddler on the bed.
• 10.30am: quiet seems to finally be back. The youngest is on the verge of sleeping and the oldest has found some quiet activities to forget her tears. I get to shower.
• 10.45am: I’m dead tired. I hand over the iPad to my daughter to buy myself one hour of quiet time. If the fridge is empty, I have to start the mid-day routine. Otherwise, I get to choose to either take a nap, play ukulele, or some other low-power activity.

That’s pretty much how it goes. It might sound over-dramatic but it paints the right picture. Not being a morning person, I reckon it to be quite challenging to be in the right mood to handle the routine right. I might swear silently during this and clench my teeth hard sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade this time with the kids for anything else. No better way to feel alive and kicking. Well, a break might feel nice too sometimes…

Looking back on 2016

With every new year comes a time for retrospection (don’t know if this is a word, I mean “retrospective introspection”). I’ve had a very shitty end of 2016 year. I was sick, tired, depressed, feeling that the world was going on without me and that no one cared if I was lagging behind. I overworked myself and felt as if the kids were set to slowly kill me with their screams and pokes and marker-battled faces. Truth be told, giving daddy a break will just never be on top of a toddler’s agenda. That lead me to a downward slope.

I woke up on the 31st feeling I would never make it to 2017. I just couldn’t figure out why I came to such a state of exhaustion. Let’s face it, I’ve been a house-husband for a year now. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Spending time with the kids, freedom to choose my agenda, time for hobbies, personal projects… I quit my previous job thinking that the next year would be the greatest time of my life, that it would transform me, make me a better man, a better dad, a smarter engineer. That’s partially true.

I’ve learnt so much last year.

• I learnt to stand in the face of uncertainty.
• I learnt that family and work do not mix well and require clear separation.
• I learnt to let go when some other things require focus.
• I learnt that home truly feels home only after you leave and return home.
• I learnt that health is the core foundation to everything.
• I learnt that I’m not invicible.
• I learnt that mastery takes time and takes its time.

But it all came at a cost. For every smile I worked out of my kids, I sweated my heart out. For every pay-day, I worked long hours into the night. I did not expect that it would be such a hard trade-off. I dived into this believing I’d be juggling all of that with absolute ease and simplicity. I did not. I was naive enough to believe that overnight success would necessarily come from breaking free of corporate slavery. It did not. Life is definitely not black and white. The internet set me up.

Was it worth it though? Hell yes. I woke up on January 1st with a smile on my face. I came a long way since January 2016. I accomplished something I believe not many have the chance to do in their lifetime. Be with my kids, reposition myself, try things out. Was it hard? Hell yes. But I survived so far. Would I do it again? If the right opportunity presents itself, probably. But I’ve finally understood that success never comes alone. One needs mentoring, a partner, a source of inspiration, positivity and encouragement to push oneself further. Thinking we can do it all ourselves is naive. I’ll have to work on that first before I can continue this journey further.